You want to make a difference. You want to succeed. You see what needs to be done, and you’re willing to step up and make it happen.
But somehow, that comes across as aggressive.
Why?
You don’t mean to be aggressive. You’re trying to be clear. You care about the outcome. You see a problem and you want to solve it.
So maybe next time you hold back.
You know how to fix something, but you don’t speak up. You know a situation isn’t working, but you don’t want to be that person. Someone is taking advantage of your willingness to help, but pushing back feels confrontational.
So you become easygoing.
Until easygoing turns into frustrated.
Or maybe you become avoidant. Why keep dealing with difficult people or situations? Move on. Find a different team, a different opportunity, a different organization.
Except eventually, moving on becomes its own pattern. Instead of learning how to work through the hard situations, we keep starting over.
We’ve all been there.
There’s another option: assertive
Being assertive isn’t about being louder.
It isn’t about winning the argument, getting your way, or making sure everyone knows you’re right.
And it definitely isn’t the same thing as being aggressive.
Assertiveness is being able to clearly communicate what you think, what you need, and what you expect while still respecting the person on the other side of the conversation.
That sounds simple.
It often isn’t.
Because being effective with people requires more than knowing what to say. It requires understanding how you show up.
What feels direct and efficient to you may feel abrupt to someone else. What you consider giving someone space may look like avoidance. What feels like keeping the peace may actually be teaching people that your boundaries are negotiable.
And sometimes what we think is assertiveness really is aggression.
That can be uncomfortable to recognize.
The goal isn’t to change who you are
The goal is to understand yourself well enough that you can choose how you respond instead of simply reacting.
Sometimes you need to speak up.
Sometimes you need to ask more questions.
Sometimes you need to set a boundary.
Sometimes you need to listen.
Sometimes you need to say, “No, that doesn’t work for me.”
And sometimes you need to recognize that the person sitting across from you communicates very differently than you do.
Being able to adapt doesn’t make you less authentic. It makes you more effective.
That is especially important in leadership, where accomplishing almost anything meaningful requires bringing other people along with you.
So how do we get better at it?
Practice.
We need opportunities to understand our own communication patterns, recognize how others may experience them, and learn different ways to handle the moments when confidence, conflict, personality, and relationships collide.
That’s exactly what we’re going to work on at our October Women in Leadership event.
Beyond the Boardroom: Your People Skills Are Showing
Join Robin Huling, author and leadership and communication facilitator, for a fun, interactive session using real-world scenarios and insights from DISC behavior theory.
We’ll explore how to communicate with more intention, adapt to different personalities without losing our authenticity, and turn some of those aggressive, easygoing, or avoidant tendencies into something much more powerful:
Assertiveness.
Wednesday, October 21
12:00 PM – 1:00 PM MDT
Kiln
2701 N Thanksgiving Way #100
Lehi, UT 84043
Because knowing what needs to be done is important.
Learning how to be effective when it isn’t easy is leadership.